Random Ramblings

I have no real thoughts on “Hammer of the Gods.” Overall I enjoyed the episode, but it was almost destined to be a let down for me because I so loved the one before. I liked the idea of finally recognizing that there are more religions in the world than those based on Judeo-Christian beliefs, but I thought the execution was sloppy. This would have been better earlier in the season with a different mood or something. I liked Lucifer; he always adds depth, feeling, and menace to the show. I loved his scene with Gabriel. Yea, Gabe finally stood up to his brother. I did not think that powerful scene was particularly well served by the beginning of the episode and the almost silly simplification of other religious beliefs. I will miss Trickster/Gabriel, he was a great character really well executed by Richard.

I have been thinking a lot lately about Sam and Dean and Jared and Jensen. I am a total sap for the chemistry that exists between the actors and, therefore, between the characters. When I read various fan sites and message boards I am somewhat dismayed by the competition between fans of one or the other (real guy or fictional character). My bias is that the brother (and actor) dynamic is what makes the show. I love them together much more than I do either one separately; I really liked “The End,” but I usually don’t love the episodes that heavily feature one or the other as much as the ones together.

As for Sam and Dean: Sam was at first (season 1-2) slightly more appealing to me, but not because I did not like Dean. Then Dean grew on me. Maybe he started being written more sympathetically or maybe it is just me, but they equaled out for me by season 3. Now I love them both and if I was zapped into their fictional world my first choice would be to enjoy them together (Not like that!—well, maybe a bit like that) and I would have a hard time choosing if I had to pick only one to spend time with. I am way more like Sam and would have more to talk about with him, but that also makes me drawn to Dean because he is so different from me. (OK, magic genie can you give me that choice-and can we maybe not spend the time talking ;) )

I actually would prefer that the genie zap me to that fictional world. I really like Jared and Jensen from what I have seen in vids and read from others’ accounts of meeting them. But I have never been drawn to celebrity. I have never really wanted to meet famous people, and when I have encountered them in real life I have never tried to talk to them (unless in an elevator or something and then both times the celebrity spoke to me first). Partly because I know I would act embarrassed and dorky and weird, but partly because I know that I am not and never will be part of their world. They will never be my friend. So meeting them in a contrived setting seems artificial to me. I can totally see how attending a con would be fun and exciting. Sharing a mutual love of something with other fans would be great, as would getting to see them actually perform in person (and I think this is what they do during panels). But attending a con to get to “meet” the actors is just not for me.

That being said, I have been thinking about the actors this last week. I read reviews and others views on the show and some of the message boards. To my non-Supernatural loving friends, I am a pretty intense fangirl. But I am constantly amazed by the intensity of others. For what it is worth, this is my take on that:

Jared and Jensen: I love them together. One of the things that made me go from just watching the show to ridiculous fangirl is watching videos of them interacting with each other. I hope I will always like and admire them and will follow their hopefully very successful after-Supernatural careers. But I think I will always love them most together. (I am not making any assumptions about there relationship here) If I had to choose, I guess I am most drawn to Jensen for some of the same reasons I was initially drawn to Sam. I am most like him (or how he portrays himself)- reserved, quieter, slightly uncomfortable at being the center of attention, etc. (I know he is an actor but performing is different than people focusing on you as a person.) He is also one of the best looking men I have ever seen. (tastes vary, this is just me) Jared though seems like he brings the sun into every room he enters. That is very appealing, but for someone like me it can also a bit intimidating. He is also incredibly hot and sexy for his not-perfect, more interesting looks. By almost every account he is also nice and puts people at ease. He just seems to shine and good feelings seem to radiate from him somehow.

I hate the idea among some people that one must prefer one over the other, and if you say something slightly uncomplimentary about one then you are somehow really just a fan of the other. For some people the opposite seems true; if you compliment one you must be dissing the other. I do not think that this is true for most fans. But we are quieter than the louder Sam and Dean girls. I enjoy talking and reading about both the show and the actors. I just wish the conversations were a bit more rational and well…nice.

 I have been on Spring Break all week and have spend entirely too much time on my Supernatural obsession.  Reading fanfic, watching season 2 of Dark Angel, reading gossip, etc.  Loved some of the stories I read, and can I say how much I love that I can send my favorite stories to my Kindle?  Awesome!  I also wondered how in the world Jensen Ackles had not appeared on my radar of pretty men until Supernatural.  He is almost unbelievably beautiful in Dark Angel.  Not sure I love the show, I think he is good, but nowhere near Dean good in it.  But oh, the eye candy.

The gossip reading has been amusing, but I always find something (or lots of somethings) that bugs me and on which I feel compelled to state an opinion.  This time it is the idea that celebrities are lying if they do not tell all the truth all the time.  Now I actually think that no one tells all the truth all the time.  Stories change sometimes because of the audience, sometimes because of our own memories, sometimes because we just hold things back.  There is the famous law school experiment (I assume every first year law student has participated in this) where an "event" is staged in class, then everyone writes down what happened...descriptions, etc.  Of course all the stories are different.  Then you wait and do it again a bit later, guess what?  Your own story is different--especially if you have compared stories with the others in the room.  So when fans complain that things are told differently over a period of a year or two, and somehow think that is evidence of lying...well I just cannot agree.

I also think that celebrities have a perfect right to prevaricate if they want to keep parts of their private lives private.  I wish people did not have to do that, but in the days of the internet, I think it can sometimes be forgiven.  If  they can shade things to make people think slightly differently then maybe that is OK.  Maybe it means some piece of personal information I really would like to know remains unavailable to me.  But really, some of the things fans want to know about celebrities, I do not even want to know about my friends.

I will say though, that Jensen and Jared have done some strange things that are not easily understood to the not-so-casual observer.  And what is unfortunate, in my opinion, is that this just makes fans more curious and determined to find out more information.  I am certainly in this "guilty group."  Sure I want to know if they were ever together...I think it is not a crazy assumption based on their own behavior.  But the weirder the stories and actions from them are, the more I really really want to know.  Because now it is a game and I want to understand the weird behavior, not just have my "hunch" confirmed or refuted.   And I think lots of non-crazy fans fall into this same category.  I have no vested interest in the outcome, just want the so-called mystery solved.

Now, there are plenty of people who would say that if they get married that does solve the "mystery."  I just know too many gay people who have gotten married for lots of different reasons.  Sometimes to just fit into prescribed societal roles, sometimes to hide to themselves, sometimes for more clear-cut business type reasons.  I know from experience that lots of professions prefer men to be married and even better to have a kid.  So the idea that talented, successful actors who want to be even more successful would decide that being married was important makes sense to me.  So does marrying for love, and I think that is just about equally plausible for the J's.  

I just find my obsession with all of this somewhat unsettling, harmless, but weird.  I also find this fandom so entertaining and interesting I just can't seem to help myself from wanting to read more and more.  Fiction and gossip--and sometimes I think it is impossible to tell the difference between the two.

I have been way to interested (in a train wreck sort of way) in the gossip about Jensen and Jared and Jared's wedding this weekend.  I find the relationship between the two men adorable, and maybe at times a little "more than friendsy."  I decided that based on YouTube videos from conventions and such.  It was part of what first drew me to the show.  

Then I got sucked into the Ted Casablanca Blind Vice.  Reading it cold, on my own (because I read his blolum semi-regularly with or without any Supernatural connection)  I was struck by how much the first couple of stories seemed to just be Jared and Jensen.  I admit I had no real idea which guy was which in the Blind.  That, in turn sucked me into some of the more hard-core gossip about them.  I have no idea how I come down on a lot of this.  I wonder why some "fans" seem to care so much...after all what we as fans get is always some version of a truth that actors want us to believe.  I think for most famous people, some of what they put out there is real and some is "less real."  No reason it would be different for J2.  I am also totally OK with this.  I don't think that we as fans have any "right" to know anything about either Jared or Jensen's personal life.  If they were involved in some sort of romantic relationship, does that change anything?  If they are just super good friends does that mean I would no longer enjoy reading fanfics about them?  I think the stories I read are just that--fictional stories.  If they are totally straight in real life then how is that different than an AU story that makes them movie directors, physicists, college students, etc? 

Now, back to the train wreck.  I keep reading the gossip.  And the facts are just weird enough to keep me interested.  I also know that bearding is a fact, not just in Hollywood but everywhere.  There are lots of reasons for doing it.  I have certainly been the "date" for gay friends who needed to not have their sexual preference questioned for various reasons--often reasons of employment.  Those men were not super closeted...just did not feel like revealing everything to people they did not think needed to know.  Several of my gay friends (male and female) just want to lead their very normal lives and not have attention drawn to who they choose to date/live with.  Obviously, if someone is added to their group of friends, they are open about their lives.  It is just not something they want to spend all their time talking about/dealing with.  I can only imagine how much worse this would be for someone who is involved with Hollywood.  No matter how much they may not care if people knew they were together--or were gay--that would always be a lead part of every story written about them, at least for a while.  I can totally understand not wanting to deal with that--since they both want to work after Supernatural ends.  I also must admit that the friends I am thinking of are older and more settled in careers and life than Jensen and Jared may be.  

So the problem I have is that those weird facts are just not ever cleared up for me.  I know that a series of seemingly unrelated and random events can in fact be random and unrelated.  I guess I just want the genie back in the bottle a little.  I don't want to wonder, or if I am wondering then I want to think it is just me being a silly fangirl...I think it makes me sad that if they are straight then all this is being said in a really ugly way and if they are not then they have to go to such great lengths to hide.   

Oh yea, and I miss the cute, silly, probably acting, flirtiness that used to always come through in interviews and videos of them together.